Lordt....

 I gotta stop falling into that dark rabbit hole.

Gone get my feelings hurt every time....

My ol hard headed ass lol.

Just continue doing the work dammit

Word....

Seems no matter how much progress you make,

You'll always have a pit of regret deep inside.

Its a dark hole really. 

Whole lot of nothingness, with no real kind of remedy 

or feeling to fill it.

 I want another chance.....all i think about...

Newton's Law

You push

You pull

Resultant force?

Zero, Zilch, Nada, Null....

Or is it?

Newton's Law states for every action

There is an equal & opposite reaction

Some of all forces equal to zero

But what if the push and pull are unequal

You pull me close

Then push me harder

I'm not physicist

But it looks like I got pushed farther

And if the forces acting on me 

continue at a constant rate

Then you'll that my displacement

will be altered at a steady pace

Distance affected

And honestly...

I dont feel the need to correct it

I started right there....

now I'm further out here

my eyes are on the diagram

Things are quite as they appear

.....betta check ya forces....

And I'm not talkin Nikes

It’s Time…or is it?

It’s Time…or is it?

Everyday I’m coming face to face with my demons

Wondering where in the world are my angels

I often wonder if there’s a difference

Yall know me…always checking out all the angles

There’s always an explanation

Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

I’m always talking myself out of rising up

Attaching weight onto my potential

Dragging myself through the mud

“It’s much better in your safe space”

“You go out there you might not do as well as you thought you would”

“If you rise too high, you might not be the same guy…

And staying true to who you’ve been….that’s always good.”

How far does the rabbit hole go?

Round and round my mind goes

Where it stops……who the fuck knows.

I want answers

I want elevation

I want freedom

I want a revelation

Where does it begin?

I think the answer is in the mind

I think the answer is in my mind

I Think the answer isn’t hard to find

I think I’ve known the answer the whole time….

When I peer into myself

And I see what I could become

My first instinct is panic

The second is always run

Is it time that I embrace it?

Hop on this wave….pull next to the sun & race it?

I’m not sure if I’m ready to do all that

I’m not sure if I’m ready to sacrifice that

That being the chains of comfort….am I ready? Hell idk.

I do know its 2:03AM & I have work at 7.

So I do know its time to lay my ass down….

& While I Don’t know if I’ll have the answers when morning comes around….

I Do know that I’m tired of holding myself down

NEXT!

NEXT!

In my room listening to the shiny suit theory

As I let this melody carry my mind into the trees

Far from the place you all imagined it to be

Cuz internally I’m running from this task that needs to see

Itself rise from the depths to catch the warmth of the sunset

The warmth of comfort and satisfaction of a job well done.

I know you wanna be nosy.

I mean….who wouldn’t wanna know.

Simply put…I Need to Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it goooo.

Electronica planted the final seed

That my soul needed to finally succeed.

There are things in life that can be so damn blinding

That if you don’t get ya eyes right you’ll shoot yourself

Right off the winding road that is the path to ya dreams

You’re either here to build or to destroy

And I have zero intentions of the latter

I spent sooo long constructing this ladder

But I forgot to take the time to climb it

And so with the next leg of my maturation in my face

And I feel no real desire to remain in this place

I place all my fears, restraints & shackles on this altar

Feel the breeze of progress as it begins to blow

Let it carry all this shit away

Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it gooooo

Ghost In The Shell (July 5, 2009 at 1:34pm)

Ghost in the Shell

I've been longin for this time alone
Lately i've felt so out of my zone
Even in the comfort of my own home
Seemz like im here yet....
So far away
My mind'z gone astray
I seem normal to you
But even the poles inside my mind see the change
we work 25/8 to find the source
but of course
as you can tell....i've got nothin

Days of summer fly by
I guess its easy to see why i hate it
Cuz it seems i've lost myself in it
Havin to put on a show for customers & employers on the daily
Itz like a poison tryin 2 destroy me
Jeez i even have to put one a special act for ma family
Cuz they dont even kno the real me

So to me its like i spend half my day being a fake me
Then i spend the other half hiding the real me
Keepin these thingz in mind
itz clearly safe to say i've "Lost" the real me
Lost in the "realness" of the real, working world
Lost in the "respect" of the family world
Deep down in the dark corridors of my brain
I've banished my two sides to sleep
"Rest"...until I've received the chance to be free
"Sleep".....until I've gotten a chance to be me...
I'm on "autopilot" now.....just a walkin respectful, humble employee
The perfect son, who does as he's told
Just........a Ghost In The Shell.........

But...One day......I'll wake up.....nd I'm goin Hard wen i Do.....
Nap.............Time........*Yawn*.........

Slither (June 17, 2009 at 2:33am)

Slither

You're on me
But not for long
You gotta go
Though you've done nothing wrong
You've got your hold on me
Though the warm feelin has me feenin
Nd while I'm dreamin im still feenin,
about how this feelin came to be
nd it'll never be clear to me
but wen i look inside myself
itz plain to see
that i can't allow you to be in me

Nope...no more
So I begin the process
Yes there will be much stress
But im on the path of success
and havn u slowz me down
......nd i cant have that

I'm at a rock and a hard place
But instead of turnin around
I begin to snake my way between them
No callz, no texts
Nd as hard as it is....
I say no to your sex
Now dont get me wrong you're a marvelous woman
Nd i nor ma people understand ma decision
But ur ability to shoot me down
wit a markzman's precision
make me say no

I feel your hold on me losing its grip
I'm grindin and scratchin and fightin
just to keep ya name off ma lipz
Awkward moments wen we're together
You try harder to hold on
LIke the rock nd hard place just got tighter
But Of course you kno ima fighter
Scrpaes & bruises will come to ma mental
Cuz now im pushin through harder
First you were holdin on
Now your existence is barely there
Just a memory, nd that is how i'll keep it
For now...

See wat you have witnessed
Is a short description
Of how i picture
Getting you off my mind will be
Itz pretty damn plain to see
That losing you will be
LIke a snake....that sheds its skin
Leaves it behind so life wit new skin can begin