I Broke My Face...(Parte Dos) (June 2, 2009 at 4:59am)

I Broke My Face...(Parte Dos)

Until one night
I had finally fallen asleep
Nd I felt, like a million voices spoke to me
Supersonic ears, i was takin it all in
There was one message that stood out to me

A familiar voice
From a past i refused to remember
It was wen life was all but calm and tender
No loving care, no one there
But mom...
it was mom....
Not maternal, but she took care of me wen i was out
Younger than me, but she knew wat she was talkin about

Wat she told me
I will not share
But wen I awoke
Many tears...i did bare
For i was givin hope...
Hope for tomorrow
Hope to end my sorrow
It all had crashed down
Nd now...i had a chance to turn it around

To be there...wen someone called ma name
To be there...wen someone needed a hand
To be there...wen its time to see a new age..
To be there...to see ma brother walk across that stage
Cuz all in all....I just wanna be there....

Talkin wit ma friend that asked me that fateful question
I had wanted to mention
all that took place inside the dimension of my sub-conscious
But all i could tell her was all she needed to know
Nd that one day...it would be my time to go....
but it wasnt today....
...I'm gonna live......I just kno it

That'z all i said....

-.....She told me wat she had meant to say altogether was,
"What's Wrong with your face?
You Don't Smile anymore..."

- You won't see my real smile using my mouth...
- The mouth is a tool used to tell lies
- You lookin for my real smile
- I'd say look deep into my soul
- You can see that deep...yup..you can...
- Just look me in the eyes...

I Broke My Face (June 2, 2009 at 4:34am)

I Broke My Face

Dedicated to tha short lady headed to London &
to the lady who asked me the question

One day i received a hurtful question
One that made my body quiver with tension
I'm pretty sure you could only imagine
How it felt when my friend asked me....

"What's Wrong With Your Face?"
.
.
.
.
.....silence...........


I was taken aback
For I thought she was talkin smack
Smack that would lead to me droppin her on her back
But she quickly saw my dismay
Nd she showed me wat she meant
Nd it was on that day
That i realized..that I broke my face....

She told me wat she had meant to say altogether was,
"What's Wrong with your face?
You Don't Smile anymore..."

Wow.....
I wondered had my life really gotten that bad
Had the bad news finally taken over
Is this the part where i just roll over
....It seemed that way.....

Sleep became more irrelevant
My attitude...more hellbent
I began to ignore all that was heaven sent
Because i felt like it was all over

Time was against me
Hate poured thru me
Nd while good thingz were happenin to me
All I would ever see
Is just the seconds leaving me
Tick...
Tock...
Tick....
Tock....

And as i lost focus on watz important
I lost my smile
You may think you saw it
But that thing on ma face was a fake
I haven't seen my smile in a while

The happiness i once had seemed so far away
Bcuz on the inside, i could feel myself deteriorate
A child of the night
A demon of the day
It seemed that life had already sealed my fate
So it had seemed....until.........

Mind Control (June 2, 2009 at 5:26am)

Mind Control

I open my eyes
I open up my cranium
I begin tha day thinkin
About wat person i've painted on ma face
Could it be the happy nice guy,
Confused day wanderer
Mean, hate the world azz nigga
Or the sad, woe is me depressor

It doesn't matter to me who i am
Because at the beginning and end of the day
I control, who I am...
And believe it or not i can control who you are too
Bcuz using my mind & wordz as one,
I can make you feel high
I can make you feel hella low
If you let me in...
Where ma attitude goes...you'll follow
Because I have control of you
Because YOU allow me to....

The is no joke in my voice
What I say goes
Because everyone knows
In this day & age
individuality does not matter
That mess will get you shunned
You'll be a social leper
Definitely not wat you want to be
So i'll help you out....
Just listen to me
Do as I say
Everyday...nd i swear
You'll fit in with all the rest

You see...they all listen to me
Because to them...I am all they see
I am wats hot....
I am wats not....
I am the ins
I am the outs
And if you're not apart of it
You must be against it
And to be against me
Means you're against them
And to be against them
Means...you'll have no friends

Don't You Get it yet?
I am the ruler of your generation
The killer of all thingz bright & new
Cuz if it doesnt ride wit me
Then it doesnt come to be

*Sigh*
Wat are you SLow?
Let me spelled it out for ya....
I am the music
I am the clothes
I am the hustlas
I am the hoes
I am the news
I am the movies
I go hard
I got swag
I'm everything..
That you'll never have
Everything you see around you....
Unless you Join me...
Simply Becuase..
It is me....
I own you kidz....
I am..

SoCiEtY....

I am..

The Times....

Epic (May 19, 2009 at 5:06am)

Epic

Allow me to paint a picture:

Rain is falling sideways
Nightfall with a slight wind
Here on this grassy plain
An epic battle will begin

All the cards on the table
No looking back
For this time, itz personal
And for one of us...there will be no coming back

Too much power for us to exist at one time
Too much pride for one of us to bow down
So its time to see who takes the crown
Nd its time to see who will be laid down

The issue had been pressed long
The problem had been put off
Now the issue has turned into a monster
Nd this monster is on a mission
A mission to take over
A mission to destroy
A mission take my life in its hands
A toss me around like im some kind of toy
But mama aint raise no fool
Im no ones tool
I refuse to be the fuel to ignite the flames of a wrong destiny..
destiny....tccchhh
I say i make my own
Letting someone else decide my fate...
just somethiing my black azz just doesnt condone

See now the tears are rolling
Cuz i kno wats at stake
Requiem for a dream controls my pace
I said no goodbyes because i will return from this place
Im focused man...
Victory is in ma vision
The path from here to there is all im missin

I approach the grassy plains where its all goin down
In the distance i see the enemy....yup....its goin down
no longer a slow pace
its now or never
a W is all im after if things ever hope to get better
thoughts, memories, and dreams of loved ones come around
and with that...a final tear hits the ground
because they fuel my fire
to return to them safe...is my only desire

Face to Face with the enemy
Now or never...time to win
Across the grassy plain....
Plain which resides in my mind
Hang on tight...cuz this will be on hell of a ride...
Cuz.....

The battle for my mind....my life....my soul....is about to begin

I got goals....nshyt

SO...its something about seeing the things you are actually afraid to accomplish inch closer and closer. Like yeah I know its my blog  and all but I'm still not quite confident enough in my dreams. Needless to say I'm still goin for em. I guess when I start putting things out there, that'll be like my........."Here's what I wanna do with my spare time" announcement lol. I'm lame yes I know. But hell I'm deep down, supa lowkey excited. The ideas, the creativity, the dreams. I'm bursting with emotion and anticipation man. Stay Tuned.


Captain HeartLess

1 Month In The A....

Its been a day or two past the one month date of me arriving in Atlanta, and so far, its quite the adjustment. The city appears dope. I haven't actually gotten around to checking out more of it but that's because its a real big city. Its like every lil section has its own sites & attractions. I try to hit one when I can on the weekends, but its such a small dent. In the mean time I've been focused on work & finding myself an apartment. Hopefully I receive some good news on that search Monday. I'm eager to get life on my own in the A started. Plus it'll allow me some extra sleep time in the morning instead of getting up so early to catch the Xpress bus to the city.

Work is a steady climb as I'm still new to working in an office full of "IT professionals". For the sake of "it doesn't bother me like that", we're gonna avoid talking about the whole "I'm the only black guy in this office" thing. Let's just....not....cool. I do happen to like the lax environment I work in. Dress code is "whatever makes you comfy", I can go to lunch when I please, & I don't have to ask permission for much. As long as I'm making the necessary contributions to the project in a better than timely manner. I appear to be on the right track, although sometimes I feel like the people I work with think I'm not as smart as them. Hard to tell when they don't speak English around you. O well, though. I don't have time for the workplace gossip, tryna get this MONEY!

Football season is approaching & I really wanna do some traveling. See some HBCU games now that I'm in an area that makes SWAC and SIAC games easily affordable and accessible from a travel standpoint. I'll have to balance that with other responsibilities, but hey....I'm me. I can do this.

I think I'm gonna TRY to starting doing some more writing and letting my thoughts out. That'll keep me sane as I continuously try to push myself & others toward greatness.


HeartLess

Pregunta..........

Why is the world so big?

Why can't I save everyone on it?

Why do important people materialize in your life out of the blue?

Why do people only want to be the only one to matter to you?

Is that right?

Is that selfish?

Is that life?

Is that what this is?

I wanna save the world

One issue at a time

Prevent every tear from hitting the ground

But Sadly suffering is apart of the game

And the struggle is everlasting

The pressure will forever mount

But with the pressure will come diamonds.....

......You  must not break

You may bend

You may fold

But be sure to uncrinkle

iron yourself out

Get ya mind right

And bounce back

I never wanted to be superman,

But my mind calls to my cape

I think about the good things I wanna do for people

Think about it under the stars each & every day

Cuz there are good people out there

I know so many

Just waiting for their big break...................Like I Was

.........and still am....

Just wish I had the right words

the right push

the power to fix it all

To grant everyone one wish

But unfortunately I'm merely human

And my reach is only so far

I'll continue to be a beacon of light (& dark)

& try to make everyday count....

but to answer the question......

......No tengo las repuestas a las preguntas

DORMIR???? QUE ES???? (May 12, 2009 at 6:03am)

 Layin on the carpet
Thinkin about why i cant sleep
Random thoughts and memories
Speed thru my mind doin one fifty
My past...
Thoughts of not belongin
My present
Thoughts of wantin..
My future
Thoughts of.......
Blank.....
I got nothin
And so i wonder
wats in store for me
as each day rolls by
health deteriorates 
and i hate
that one day i must leave behind all that i did
but to just roll over and take it
is just not my style
and with that being said
i'll say wat jeezy said
"Run the streets all day, i can sleep wen i die"
If the heavens are callin
then ummmm...im not respondin
I've done so much
Nd i haven't scraped the surface
I'm on the grind for the shine
Cuz i know my purpose
........Or do I
20yrs down
Who knows how many more i have to go
But in the end I just want them all to know
Whatz itz like to experience ma happy
Ma happy is wen u can look at urself
not care wat the world thinks
nd keep it movin
Ma happy is wen u can say wat u want
Nd know that you'll b understood fully
no matter wat u say or how u say it
Ma happy is just simply....Ma happy

Layin on the carpet
Thinkin about the simple fact that
I cant sleep is that maybe 
....Just Maybe......I'm not meant to
....Just Maybe......I'm meant to be awake
Maybe i'm meant to be here
maybe i'm meant to mean something to someone
with that lodged in my brain
im sayin this now
no way im quittin life
no way no how
i've done much
i've learned alot
i've met plenty of people
but am i done???
me thinkz not!
im the meaning of get crunk musik
im the embodiment of hope
im the carrier of dreams
from myself to my forefathers
nd i dare someone to prove me otherwise
the world is plastic
....fake
....itz hard to figure out who's wearin a disguise
but time heals ALL scars
nd it also reveals all secrets
so wen i say im pullin off all of life's bars
just kno i mean nothin will stop me from livin
just kno im gonna keep on givin
im on a search for the real
on a search for a chance
a simple chance
.......to live

So sleep...wat is that
I work 24/7
on a strive for perfection

AYYYYYeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
FUCK WIT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Sleep is for those who are ready 2 die......nd im clearly awake....~HeaRTleSS~

Layin on the carpet

Thinkin about why i cant sleep

Random thoughts and memories

Speed thru my mind doin one fifty

My past...

Thoughts of not belongin

My present

Thoughts of wantin..

My future

Thoughts of.......

Blank.....

I got nothin

And so i wonder

wats in store for me

as each day rolls by

health deteriorates 

and i hate

that one day i must leave behind all that i did

but to just roll over and take it

is just not my style

and with that being said

i'll say wat jeezy said

"Run the streets all day, i can sleep wen i die"

If the heavens are callin

then ummmm...im not respondin

I've done so much

Nd i haven't scraped the surface

I'm on the grind for the shine

Cuz i know my purpose

........Or do I

20yrs down

Who knows how many more i have to go

But in the end I just want them all to know

Whatz itz like to experience ma happy

Ma happy is wen u can look at urself

not care wat the world thinks

nd keep it movin

Ma happy is wen u can say wat u want

Nd know that you'll b understood fully

no matter wat u say or how u say it

Ma happy is just simply....Ma happy

Layin on the carpet

Thinkin about the simple fact that

I cant sleep is that maybe 

....Just Maybe......I'm not meant to

....Just Maybe......I'm meant to be awake

Maybe i'm meant to be here

maybe i'm meant to mean something to someone

with that lodged in my brain

im sayin this now

no way im quittin life

no way no how

i've done much

i've learned alot

i've met plenty of people

but am i done???

me thinkz not!

im the meaning of get crunk musik

im the embodiment of hope

im the carrier of dreams

from myself to my forefathers

nd i dare someone to prove me otherwise

the world is plastic

....fake

....itz hard to figure out who's wearin a disguise

but time heals ALL scars

nd it also reveals all secrets

so wen i say im pullin off all of life's bars

just kno i mean nothin will stop me from livin

just kno im gonna keep on givin

im on a search for the real

on a search for a chance

a simple chance

.......to live

So sleep...wat is that

I work 24/7

on a strive for perfection

AYYYYYeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

FUCK WIT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Sleep is for those who are ready 2 die......nd im clearly awake....~HeaRTleSS~