DORMIR???? QUE ES???? (May 12, 2009 at 6:03am)

 Layin on the carpet
Thinkin about why i cant sleep
Random thoughts and memories
Speed thru my mind doin one fifty
My past...
Thoughts of not belongin
My present
Thoughts of wantin..
My future
Thoughts of.......
Blank.....
I got nothin
And so i wonder
wats in store for me
as each day rolls by
health deteriorates 
and i hate
that one day i must leave behind all that i did
but to just roll over and take it
is just not my style
and with that being said
i'll say wat jeezy said
"Run the streets all day, i can sleep wen i die"
If the heavens are callin
then ummmm...im not respondin
I've done so much
Nd i haven't scraped the surface
I'm on the grind for the shine
Cuz i know my purpose
........Or do I
20yrs down
Who knows how many more i have to go
But in the end I just want them all to know
Whatz itz like to experience ma happy
Ma happy is wen u can look at urself
not care wat the world thinks
nd keep it movin
Ma happy is wen u can say wat u want
Nd know that you'll b understood fully
no matter wat u say or how u say it
Ma happy is just simply....Ma happy

Layin on the carpet
Thinkin about the simple fact that
I cant sleep is that maybe 
....Just Maybe......I'm not meant to
....Just Maybe......I'm meant to be awake
Maybe i'm meant to be here
maybe i'm meant to mean something to someone
with that lodged in my brain
im sayin this now
no way im quittin life
no way no how
i've done much
i've learned alot
i've met plenty of people
but am i done???
me thinkz not!
im the meaning of get crunk musik
im the embodiment of hope
im the carrier of dreams
from myself to my forefathers
nd i dare someone to prove me otherwise
the world is plastic
....fake
....itz hard to figure out who's wearin a disguise
but time heals ALL scars
nd it also reveals all secrets
so wen i say im pullin off all of life's bars
just kno i mean nothin will stop me from livin
just kno im gonna keep on givin
im on a search for the real
on a search for a chance
a simple chance
.......to live

So sleep...wat is that
I work 24/7
on a strive for perfection

AYYYYYeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
FUCK WIT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Sleep is for those who are ready 2 die......nd im clearly awake....~HeaRTleSS~

Layin on the carpet

Thinkin about why i cant sleep

Random thoughts and memories

Speed thru my mind doin one fifty

My past...

Thoughts of not belongin

My present

Thoughts of wantin..

My future

Thoughts of.......

Blank.....

I got nothin

And so i wonder

wats in store for me

as each day rolls by

health deteriorates 

and i hate

that one day i must leave behind all that i did

but to just roll over and take it

is just not my style

and with that being said

i'll say wat jeezy said

"Run the streets all day, i can sleep wen i die"

If the heavens are callin

then ummmm...im not respondin

I've done so much

Nd i haven't scraped the surface

I'm on the grind for the shine

Cuz i know my purpose

........Or do I

20yrs down

Who knows how many more i have to go

But in the end I just want them all to know

Whatz itz like to experience ma happy

Ma happy is wen u can look at urself

not care wat the world thinks

nd keep it movin

Ma happy is wen u can say wat u want

Nd know that you'll b understood fully

no matter wat u say or how u say it

Ma happy is just simply....Ma happy

Layin on the carpet

Thinkin about the simple fact that

I cant sleep is that maybe 

....Just Maybe......I'm not meant to

....Just Maybe......I'm meant to be awake

Maybe i'm meant to be here

maybe i'm meant to mean something to someone

with that lodged in my brain

im sayin this now

no way im quittin life

no way no how

i've done much

i've learned alot

i've met plenty of people

but am i done???

me thinkz not!

im the meaning of get crunk musik

im the embodiment of hope

im the carrier of dreams

from myself to my forefathers

nd i dare someone to prove me otherwise

the world is plastic

....fake

....itz hard to figure out who's wearin a disguise

but time heals ALL scars

nd it also reveals all secrets

so wen i say im pullin off all of life's bars

just kno i mean nothin will stop me from livin

just kno im gonna keep on givin

im on a search for the real

on a search for a chance

a simple chance

.......to live

So sleep...wat is that

I work 24/7

on a strive for perfection

AYYYYYeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

FUCK WIT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Sleep is for those who are ready 2 die......nd im clearly awake....~HeaRTleSS~

3/25 - 3:51AM - Sheesh

My bday Is coming up & once again I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!!! I mean, I wish I was still in school for times like this. It was sooooo much easier to hit up the team & say, well...I know what I wanna do. Grab the bottles & lets all get plastered with the womenfolk. Now that I'm back in Charlotte, I don't really have a "go to squad" anymore so it feels like I'm always ridin solo. Eh, idk I guess I'll figure something out & turn up with it. Sometimes you just gotta make the best of a situation and take it to the max ya know!?


ALSO: I'm frantically searching for a new look for the blog...so it make look different until I find what I'm looking for.....and I have no clue what that is or will be....see a recurring theme with me..smh

3/23 - 5:53AM - Lets Begin

I think this is gonna be the start of a very busy week for me. I'm not sure exactly how I'm gonna tackle some of the tasks I have laid out before me. But I know I've got to put forth a positive damn attitude in order to expect some positive damn results. Even in life's biggest obstacles that fill you with the greatest amount of uncertainty, you must approach every obstacle like you're really about to beat its ass. Mind Over Matter.

So here's a good luck to you as you prepare for the week ahead.

3/21 - 3:14AM - Opinions Are Truly Like Assholes

So...we've all heard the saying, "Opinions are like assholes.....everyone has one", right? Well if you haven't before just then......shut up and pretend you've heard it before, cool? .....

Well, for this lil piece tonight, I shall refer to the opinions of people as....that's right, you guessed it, assholes.

Well let me say for starters, I acknowledge that everyone has assholes & while your asshole might be similar to his asshole or her asshole, I personally believe that no two assholes are the same. I know you're feelin' like .....

...and that's fair because guess what? That's MY ASSHOLE lol. Iight I'm havin' too much fun with this. Not gonna stop though so let's continue. I feel this way because your life experiences and influences will greatly influence & shape your asshole. It's very easy to relate to other's life stories and you can also easily take on their asshole because it resonates with your asshole. 

There are many influences that will mold your asshole. Friends will gather round and tell stories about what's goin on in the latest gossip. Social media will greatly impact your asshole & lets not forget reality tv. Just some of the many asshole shapers and molders out here. Are those changing your asshole? For the better or worse? Nothing is wrong is an evolving asshole, remember that. But make sure your asshole remains your asshole.

I shall write more on assholes later. I'm not sure where the direction of this asshole conversation was going....I just like rambling about things sometime.

To Be Continued......

3/18 - 3:39AM - A good Step

Mood: "N.E.R.D. - Breakout"

Career fair in the morning. Nervous jitters inside because I honestly don't excel to selling myself to people that already "are" where I want to be. Bleh... I guess my confidence in my abilities is not to where its like "I'm the shit & you need to recognize that shit" yet. That's the goal. Of course, in a subtle yet effective way. But yea, I want to one day be able to eloquently show my stuff in an interview, face-to-face setting. But I suppose you can't get to that level without that type of "gameday experience". So I'm gonna rest, eat well & walk into the building like I have something to prove. Hell who knows, might find someone that wants to get me out of Charlotte & pay me. Or at least give me some pointers on how to get myself out of Charlotte to someone that will pay me. Either way, I just want to be compensated for doing something I like to do.

......doing something I like to do. That seems to be my real issue. I like to do alot. I feel I'm well rounded. Which is the issue. I'm good at a lot of things, but I haven't found that niche, that "thing", that area where I'm just knockout GREAT at. I'm learning in my IT GroupMe that it's very important that you find your "thing" to excel at & be great with it. Become an expert, a specialist and be recognized for it so that you can control negotiations for  the demands you seek. That's what I want. That's where I want to be. That's my focus.

3/17 - 3:30AM - Some Real Words

I remember being in GroupMe a few days ago & lookin around at all the positive moves the people in the group was making. At times I get around people that are makin' serious moves and I get a lil discouraged. I mean like, where's my moves? Where's my breakthroughs? Where're my lil triumphs? Its rather tough....naw its really tough. Because I know I'm good enough to be makin these moves too. I can be great too...I mean....Why Not Me...lol

And then I was told "Just strive to be better than you were yesterday". And I began to calm down. I really took that statement to heart. Like, success can take a long time to develop. And I have to learn that this shyt is literally baby steps man. As long as I can utilize my time wisely and make the most of 24 hours, I should be ok. Its not all going to come together overnight & in the same breath, it won't all come apart either. Life is uncertainty, faith, chances, success, failures and everything in between. I'll take them all on one day at a time.

3/16 - 3:28AM - Man What!?

"What?" So many possible questions could stem from that one word. And for every question that is created, I don't really seem to to have a way to find the answers. That shit is frustrating. Like, why are the answers to life's questions always a novel full of mystery? But then again, I suppose if we had all the answers, life would be as interesting....would it? Hell naw....I can tell now it wouldn't.


PS: Let March Madness begin. I'll spend my Monday taking care of stuff for the career fair & filling out brackets lol.

3/13 - Realizations - 2:26AM

So I got hit in the head with some realness today. And it made me realize that I'm not fully taking advantage of some possible opportunities laid out in front of me. I need to do better. I can do better & I will do better. 

In other news I bought myself a dry-erase weekly calendar. It's proving to already be an effective investment as I feel more and more organized the more I use it. Perhaps I'll keep some diet/hygiene tips on there as well. Lord knows I could really stand for my health to be loads better than it is now. Some days I feel as if my body is going to fall apart while other days I don't notice a thing. A little hard-nosed discipline will go a long way.

I'm also realizing that making it to my dream is gonna take some time. I have much to learn and plenty of ground to make up from my slacking days. Its been caught to me and now I'm ready to catch up my damn self. I'm just ready to make moves and it leaves me feeling as if I'm running in quicksand sometimes. One day & one chapter at a time & I'll be on my way up soon enough. 

3/12 - Music - 4:21AM

Music....man I am music....music music music. Music gets me through my failures, my triumphs, ups, downs, lefts, northeasts & southwests. Like for every life moment or emotion. There is a song...for real though. It's amazing how music and affect & amplify emotions. I don't know where I'm supposed to be going with this. I just felt like saying I love music man. Maybe I'll expand on how music saved me....ehhh....maybe not. lol Idk man

3/7 1:42AM I Love The Game.....

Have you ever asked yourself, "What do you love....and why?" Like seriously, have you ever asked yourself why you like the things that you do? Some answers will be deeper than others. Some are hard to explain......one thing I love....the game.....I'll expand on this one night when I'm not feelin heavily buzzed......chea

3/6 3:30AM --- Hi There

Well, another night, wide the hell awoke. I try my best to be production in these early morning hours to make up for the sleep I know I'm eventually gonna get in a few hours. I find its easier to focus. There are less distractions while the rest of the world is catching Z's. At times I do wish I had someone to carry conversation while I check things off of my to-do list at night. But the normal folk & 9-5'ers must get their rest so I gut it out on my own. I guess I could do at least one entry a day. Yea....i'll give that a shot during March. Even if its just one sentence, I'm gonna try and log-in & spill some of my brain on to this here screen. I think it'll be a good stress reliever. Chea. You'll find these entries in the "My Thoughts" section I suppose.