They say sooner or later
It all comes crashing down
And according to the universe
I'm supposed 2 wear a frown
So one day i decided to tear a hole
A hole in fabric of society
A hole in the sanity that was me
And stitched a new way
The way things are for me
The way things area nd will be
Nd I need it like this
Cuz i Got Problemz
So my universe
I am alone
No one to run to
No one else is home....but him
My other half & I
inhabit my universe...nd so we begin
our struggle to survive
our fight to stay alive
our plea to never let them see us cry
but then u ask...
why must you fight...wen ur the only one there
Cuz my universe
Is inside my mind
And the real world
Is & always will be right behind me
& in front of me
& all around me
watchin, looking, listenin
pointin, laughin...
suffocatin...damn...cant breath
im gaspin....need air....
but they only stop 2 stare
damn...no help....must bail myself out
(yea i kno....i got problemz)
So i take a deep breath
Escape to my universe
Before tha wallz crash down
On this fake town, built by tha man in charge
...my universe has change
...i find people who share my common goal here
...the common goal to suceed..
...the common goal to survive..
...the common goal to do wat u cant
.....say wat u wont
.....think how u dont
but they say We got Problemz
cuz we do thingz our way
311 is my universe
we share the goal
the goal to make it
"We got all that we've got all Despite You....
And We gone get what we get all to spite You...."
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Friday, September 26, 2014
I Am.... (December 1, 2008 at 4:28am)
Who or What someone is
Seems to be a big thing nowadays
So allow me to give you some insight
At tha mental phenomenon you see everyday
I Am no ordinary being
I am mentally divided
My thoughts
never one-sided
A pendulum of feelings
Swaying from reckless to sensible
Dangerous yes, but at the same time, no
Becuase no matter who's in charge
I Still kno which way i need to go
I am A Gift & A Curse
unto myself
a brilliant thing it is to have
but a terrible fight wen they clash
I kno wat you're thinking
"Dat nigga mentally unstable"
NO BYTCH.............it is because of these two
that i am able
Able to make it through a dangerous past
Able to smile
Able to laugh
Able to love
So don't write me off as a nutball
Cuz you dont kno tha two halves (get it)
I am a cure & a disease
In tha lives of my peers
I can be a guilding light
Or i can be tha guy to make ur light disappear
Good friend
Worse enemy
Wateva it may be
Trust and believe
I do it to tha best of my ability
Sometimes i sit and wonder
Am I mentally healthy?
Well i already kno that answer
Of course not buddy
Man I just.............
I wish that they all could just see
That through all of my struggles
Through all of my good times
Through of my life
I have been & always will be
I'm just..........me
But hey...Ya can't make em all believers.......
True Life.........It Ain't For everybody
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Seems to be a big thing nowadays
So allow me to give you some insight
At tha mental phenomenon you see everyday
I Am no ordinary being
I am mentally divided
My thoughts
never one-sided
A pendulum of feelings
Swaying from reckless to sensible
Dangerous yes, but at the same time, no
Becuase no matter who's in charge
I Still kno which way i need to go
I am A Gift & A Curse
unto myself
a brilliant thing it is to have
but a terrible fight wen they clash
I kno wat you're thinking
"Dat nigga mentally unstable"
NO BYTCH.............it is because of these two
that i am able
Able to make it through a dangerous past
Able to smile
Able to laugh
Able to love
So don't write me off as a nutball
Cuz you dont kno tha two halves (get it)
I am a cure & a disease
In tha lives of my peers
I can be a guilding light
Or i can be tha guy to make ur light disappear
Good friend
Worse enemy
Wateva it may be
Trust and believe
I do it to tha best of my ability
Sometimes i sit and wonder
Am I mentally healthy?
Well i already kno that answer
Of course not buddy
Man I just.............
I wish that they all could just see
That through all of my struggles
Through all of my good times
Through of my life
I have been & always will be
I'm just..........me
But hey...Ya can't make em all believers.......
True Life.........It Ain't For everybody
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Dat Nigga is So Trendy (LOL) (November 21, 2008 at 12:01pm)
AYO!!
Dat Nigga is so Trendy
But Dat Nigga Ain't
Dat Nigga Is Betta than da ordinary Nigga
Cuz he can buy wat da ordinary Nigga can't
He can buy her, her love,
her mind & her body
But because Dat Nigga bought some new Gucci
He also just bought him some new coochie!
Da ordinary nigga
Doesnt need much
But becuase he ain't rollin 26's
Den you kno he ain't datin' shyt
WEn it comes down to it
This is a material world, Y fight it
But does tha name of tha outside of ma gear
Have much to do wit tha man (or boi) inside it
I mean..some of yall may b psychic
but tha telepathic waves cant get past his sidekick...
So wat is it dat she's lookin for
Is it good personality, or dem new kicks
I laugh sometimes
Cuz the way i get laughed at
i rock $8 shoes
so i suppose im not tha one tha ladies should even think to choose
For tha guys that neva had a pair of J'z
apparently that says alot for us
cuz we must not have anything intelligent to say
butcha kno
money cant buy everything
nd if ya can buy tha airhead
'Gon head Trendy Nigga--- Do ya thang (lol)
LOL....just lettin it out after some lady straight dissed ma monkey ass recently..lol
Why Are You Living? (November 18, 2008 at 5:03am)
So I was once asked
"Why Are You Living?"
And I've Finally Come up with an Answer:
From birth I can't say that i had it rough
But mess i was externally exposed to
made me wanna inte the dust
Major disappointments & Broken Promises
That i brought on myself
caused a feelin of mental self-mutilation.
Time after time i fell short of expectations
Expectations set by peers & my own self
Millions of instances i put my own feelings on the shelf
And sat back and watched my happiness disappear into darkness.
But they say where there's darkness
There shall be light and vice versa
So I took a stroll into darkness
in order to find a purpose
Onward I walked into tha place where light seldom goes
Hand in hand with tha little bit of hope
That had been left in my bones..
In that dark place
Was a warmth that was new to my skin
In that dark place
Was a new feeling that caused me feel something within
In that dark place
I met tha very entity that kept me sane
In that dark place
I decided to carry that darkness not only in my heart but in my brain
From that day forward
I saw things differently
I had a gift
I had begun to see
That im living...
To Give Back To Those That Never Gave to Me
I live For You
The girl who cries at night
I live for You
The guy who sees nothing ahead in life
I live for You
Everyone who has ever given up hope
I live for You
Who believes that there is no place to go.
That'z why I am unique in everything i do
I'm unique in everything i say
I'm unique in everything i wear
I'm unique wit everything....i swear..lol
My purpose in life is my giving
And you are having a hard time with life in general
Then mayb you should ask yourself...
"Why Are You Living?"
"Why Are You Living?"
And I've Finally Come up with an Answer:
From birth I can't say that i had it rough
But mess i was externally exposed to
made me wanna inte the dust
Major disappointments & Broken Promises
That i brought on myself
caused a feelin of mental self-mutilation.
Time after time i fell short of expectations
Expectations set by peers & my own self
Millions of instances i put my own feelings on the shelf
And sat back and watched my happiness disappear into darkness.
But they say where there's darkness
There shall be light and vice versa
So I took a stroll into darkness
in order to find a purpose
Onward I walked into tha place where light seldom goes
Hand in hand with tha little bit of hope
That had been left in my bones..
In that dark place
Was a warmth that was new to my skin
In that dark place
Was a new feeling that caused me feel something within
In that dark place
I met tha very entity that kept me sane
In that dark place
I decided to carry that darkness not only in my heart but in my brain
From that day forward
I saw things differently
I had a gift
I had begun to see
That im living...
To Give Back To Those That Never Gave to Me
I live For You
The girl who cries at night
I live for You
The guy who sees nothing ahead in life
I live for You
Everyone who has ever given up hope
I live for You
Who believes that there is no place to go.
That'z why I am unique in everything i do
I'm unique in everything i say
I'm unique in everything i wear
I'm unique wit everything....i swear..lol
My purpose in life is my giving
And you are having a hard time with life in general
Then mayb you should ask yourself...
"Why Are You Living?"
100%???? Yeah Right....
These days we live in a world where people live by the "Keep it 100" code. As that's really admirable...like its really admirable. You should strive for saying what you feel 100% of the time. But often I notice that you just can't keep it all the way 100. Now there could be several factors that could assume responsibility for this phenomena. Every person and situation is different. So many different variables and factors and people and things to consider. Its enough to make your head spin.
But my gripe here today comes in when someone NEEDS that 100. For their own good, for their own sake, their humanity. Some will come in right about now with the usual excuses like, "Its not my place" or "You wouldn't like my answer"...or even the lovely "Its not what you wanna hear right now..." Shyt like that....grinds my fuggin gears man. If you know the person in question like you'd claim to, then you have to deliver your opinion. Expose their life to a new angle that could push them in the direction that could be more beneficial to them.
Instead of the tough love that's desperately needed, people oft turn to dishing out "Facebook Status Responses". For those that don't understand what that is...lemme break it down for you. You ever log into your facebook and you seem some sappy "I need some attention" type status? Of course you do, because that's what that status box is for. The "Hey! Welcome to my life and whats going on in it box" But anyways the "positive responses" under said box feel all kinds of generic and hallmark cardish....
Sometimes I feel thats the kind of responses I get from people. And to be honest....I hate it. Makes me feel like keeping it all to myself because people don't know me well enough to give it to me raw.......(at 2am...that entire sentence was just all.....smh) But yea..I mean....its the truth. People should respect the fact that whether you like it or not I'm gonna tell you the complete truth about how I feel about a certain situation you want my opinion on. So why can't I get the same in return. Am I too weak-minded? Is that it....hell I don't know.
Damn I'm hungry.......TO THE KITCHEN....Peace
Friday, September 19, 2014
50-50
A line o symmetry
Divides the pie
equal in parts
cannot be differentiated by the eye
Each side mimics the other
A repeating equality
Of yin & yang
Like those annoying math rules
what you do to one side
You must do to the other
Reciprocation is like automation
Because its equal
So....why my fractions not readin 1/2?
What am I to do..
I'm tryna balance these chemical equations
But I'm gettin jumbled responses
And now questions are a-raising
Because I can't seem to fix this simple math.
50 & 50 make 100
a whole
But when you cant get 1+1 to = 1
then ya damn sure not gonna put some extra zeroes out there
....or will you....
place holders meant to show larger quantities
and give increased value to outsiders
trying to see how much you have on you
trying to see if you were good enough to build on your 1+1
Divides the pie
equal in parts
cannot be differentiated by the eye
Each side mimics the other
A repeating equality
Of yin & yang
Like those annoying math rules
what you do to one side
You must do to the other
Reciprocation is like automation
Because its equal
So....why my fractions not readin 1/2?
What am I to do..
I'm tryna balance these chemical equations
But I'm gettin jumbled responses
And now questions are a-raising
Because I can't seem to fix this simple math.
50 & 50 make 100
a whole
But when you cant get 1+1 to = 1
then ya damn sure not gonna put some extra zeroes out there
....or will you....
place holders meant to show larger quantities
and give increased value to outsiders
trying to see how much you have on you
trying to see if you were good enough to build on your 1+1
A Bunch of Nothin
Call it magic
Call it sorcery
Call it science
Call it what you want
Just don't call it nothin
You can call it damage
You can call it cuttin
You can call it a high that
Cant be touched by nothin
They might call it a nuisance
They might call it a problem
They might have a million excuses
But They dont know how to solve em
He might call it lovely
He might call it beautiful
He might compare it to
All the marvelous wonders of the world
She might call it ugly
She might call it hideous
She might think these things
Without knowing what the reason is
What are we describing?
What is it that we speak of?
What is this person, place or thing
That we can't seem to get the words for?
You can call this creative
You can call it brilliant
You're gonna call it somethin
Until you find out
I just wrote about a whole bunch of nothin
....welcome to my brain lol
Call it sorcery
Call it science
Call it what you want
Just don't call it nothin
You can call it damage
You can call it cuttin
You can call it a high that
Cant be touched by nothin
They might call it a nuisance
They might call it a problem
They might have a million excuses
But They dont know how to solve em
He might call it lovely
He might call it beautiful
He might compare it to
All the marvelous wonders of the world
She might call it ugly
She might call it hideous
She might think these things
Without knowing what the reason is
What are we describing?
What is it that we speak of?
What is this person, place or thing
That we can't seem to get the words for?
You can call this creative
You can call it brilliant
You're gonna call it somethin
Until you find out
I just wrote about a whole bunch of nothin
....welcome to my brain lol
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
War For Me......
Cue the slow motion
And the dramatic violin
This is not the opening scene
...no...we're far from the beginning
Way past the seed being planted
The rising conflict building suspense
We're at the peak
Just before the deciding climax
Just take a small glimpse...
...of the bloodshed
...of the pain
...of the war
...the war for me
There's only one mind
A single conscious
That can be occupied
And now its time
For a leader to arise
The time for choosing sides
Are beyond gone
Who's it gonna be?
Who will rise...who will fall
The ever so helpful Captain Optimist
....and the o-so cold Dark-Matter
The war ravages on
Casualties are high
but thats the price of battle
Whoever wins.....I lose
Right or Left....I don't Choose
There is no diplomacy here....
Somebody will Win...& Somebody will Lose
Death is a gift...Given at Birth
Peace is a mere byproduct...Given From War
Life is allowed to Thrive Because Death has done his Duty
And Thus A Ruler shall Arise...at the Conclusion
of the War For Me.....
And the dramatic violin
This is not the opening scene
...no...we're far from the beginning
Way past the seed being planted
The rising conflict building suspense
We're at the peak
Just before the deciding climax
Just take a small glimpse...
...of the bloodshed
...of the pain
...of the war
...the war for me
There's only one mind
A single conscious
That can be occupied
And now its time
For a leader to arise
The time for choosing sides
Are beyond gone
Who's it gonna be?
Who will rise...who will fall
The ever so helpful Captain Optimist
....and the o-so cold Dark-Matter
The war ravages on
Casualties are high
but thats the price of battle
Whoever wins.....I lose
Right or Left....I don't Choose
There is no diplomacy here....
Somebody will Win...& Somebody will Lose
Death is a gift...Given at Birth
Peace is a mere byproduct...Given From War
Life is allowed to Thrive Because Death has done his Duty
And Thus A Ruler shall Arise...at the Conclusion
of the War For Me.....
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Nd Yet.... (October 28, 2008 at 4:18am)
It seems
that my attitude changes
like tha coming moon & sun
shyt will flip Nd Yet....
i likez it
Wen it seems
tha world turnz bak on me
life flipz tha script on me
All thatz left is me.........& me
Nd Yet....
It excites me
I live for the opportunity
To pick myself up
bcuz for too long
others have lifted me up
wen i felt like giving up
a sick feelin comez in my gut
body getz weak like i just busted a good nut
y....cuz im fukkin up
Nd Yet...
I live for da challenge
So if i seem like an ass
Just let da shyt ride past
cuz new management is here for awhile
nd to those who dont no this guy
let me tell ya...
He'z so ~HeaRTleSS~...
Smile on ma face
Black heart in ma chest
Is tha only way ima survive
nd pass tha test
Test of life...
nd i've been gettin by easy
but takin tha easy way out
makez a nigga feel all sleazy..
So itz tyme for a change
puttin tha ~NoBoDY~ in tha closet
Let him rest for awhile
Wen this is over, i promise
I'll return to being the guy
That yall kno nd love.
But for now....Nap Tyme
Droid of Life
This is the story of a droid
Call em "The Droid of Life"
Been on it for awhile
His destination is a known unknown
To find the things that make living worthwhile
...the little things that make the humans smile
Along the way there are some troubles
Struggles and learning curves
Hidden agendas and sidebars
And the unseen bullshyt
that hides behind each & every turn
For him that is no big deal
Because without a reason to feel
There is no reason to stop
and rest on his heels
No reason to gather his composure
No reason to search for closure
For he's here only for research
Reconnaissance at its very best
He's just a robot
Programmed to finish the mission
Acquiring help along the way is an option
But help gets assimilated into his programming
...and then it gets missing
So I suppose the best thing for him to do
Is learn what they do
And swap out their parts that weren't infected by others
Parts that they either no longer need
Or found more suitable upgrades along the way
If the droid of life deems you unsuitable
Then you're swapped out
Tis simple
& We Deal With it
Friday, September 12, 2014
Field of Dreamz (October 25, 2008 at 4:08am)
In a field of dreams
Not a sound can be heard
But naw, listen close
Nd you'll hear the sound
the sound of hope
escapin' a time of darkness' past
I mean a time wen
Happiness was put on blast by hate
Hate was feared by hope
Hope was a hoe
Spread herself open to tha world with no promise
Tha lack of promise angered envy
Envy turned to happy to forget about the bad
But happy was too high to make the good times last.
The good times turned bad,
Thingz flipped, cuz the gravity of life pulled
PUlled thingz away from the way that it should
Should go, should be,
tha things that we should see,
tha way that thingz should be
began to reverse gravitate
away from the field of dreams
So that all that was left
were cries
Cries of my own demise
Cries of the wise
Cries of all that once saw blue skies
Those eyes saw nothing but lies
Wat used to be dreams turned into fantasy
But these weren't fantasies of dreams to come true
Fantasies of thingz to cloud their mind
Fantasies of thingz to want but never thingz to do
The cries grew louder as those around the field sank into a false reality
Calling for a change,
Calling for a way out
Calling for a new life
A way out of their bind.
But how can someone from the outside...
Help the cries in the Field of Dreamz
Wen tha Field of Dreamz
Is Inside Of My Mind????
*Bows*
~HeaRTleSS~
ya know what.....
Lemme try and break it down
What it looks like...
When I can't seem to process my thoughts
Because they want to sprint at 100 mph
And I just want ONE topic to maybe write about
But I cant fuckin calm my self enough
_________________________________________________________________________________
Stop, Go.
Say something
No...Dont!
Make a left, hang a right!
Turn around...cuz this isn't right.
We're struggling, we're weak
We're running in circles
We know not what we seek.
Run away....& never return
Poor fuel on it....& watch it burn
These people are your friends
They're here for you
....These people aren't your friends
....They're never here for you
Life can take you anywhere cuz you're fuckin awesome
But you'll never go anywhere cuz you're scared
You'll never be happy...cuz you'll always care
I want money
I want a new body
I want a new spine
I want everything that I want....to be mine
Why aren't I strong enough
Why wasn't I firm enough
Why wasn't I more decisive.
Why wasn't I more combative.
Why do I always doubt
that if i take a leap of faith
....everything is gonna be ok
You see I just wanna turn the voices in my head down..
perhaps not off
Just enough so I can focus on one
And try to sort through my feelings and thoughts and opinions
It seems that I'm always being bombarded a ton of opinions and instructions
that I don't have a clear grasp on my own ideals
or that they get blended and manipulated
Cuz lets be real
You're only meant to be the person people need you to be
And when thats over....then...well...you know the rest
Bleh....I can't figure out what I wanna write about
This is all too frustrating.
Just wanna keel over bruh.....
SOMEBODY HELP ME!
What it looks like...
When I can't seem to process my thoughts
Because they want to sprint at 100 mph
And I just want ONE topic to maybe write about
But I cant fuckin calm my self enough
_________________________________________________________________________________
Stop, Go.
Say something
No...Dont!
Make a left, hang a right!
Turn around...cuz this isn't right.
We're struggling, we're weak
We're running in circles
We know not what we seek.
Run away....& never return
Poor fuel on it....& watch it burn
These people are your friends
They're here for you
....These people aren't your friends
....They're never here for you
Life can take you anywhere cuz you're fuckin awesome
But you'll never go anywhere cuz you're scared
You'll never be happy...cuz you'll always care
I want money
I want a new body
I want a new spine
I want everything that I want....to be mine
Why aren't I strong enough
Why wasn't I firm enough
Why wasn't I more decisive.
Why wasn't I more combative.
Why do I always doubt
that if i take a leap of faith
....everything is gonna be ok
You see I just wanna turn the voices in my head down..
perhaps not off
Just enough so I can focus on one
And try to sort through my feelings and thoughts and opinions
It seems that I'm always being bombarded a ton of opinions and instructions
that I don't have a clear grasp on my own ideals
or that they get blended and manipulated
Cuz lets be real
You're only meant to be the person people need you to be
And when thats over....then...well...you know the rest
Bleh....I can't figure out what I wanna write about
This is all too frustrating.
Just wanna keel over bruh.....
SOMEBODY HELP ME!
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Work Of Art (October 19, 2008 at 2:30am)
Hard on the eyes at first on her
Harder once ur talkin to her
Hardest wen ur gettin to kno her
Resisting temptation
Temptation not to touch....
That magnificent Work of Art
God's Gift to my eyes
But wats are eyes
Eyes are merely tools of deceit
Tha True MasterPiece is located within
So deep down it takes months to fully figure out
wat you have in front of you
But how many of the onlookers want to discover ur hidden wonders
Merely interested in ur other "treasures"
They plunder the landscape of your body
But no....thats not wat im here for
Thatz not wat i came to do
The time will cum
So with time....so will you
But wats the rush
If its worth it, of course i'll wait
in the mean time
there's much more i'd like to measure on my plate
you've got style
you've got class
nd a body thatz worth-while
you say i've got wat u need
i say nothing...just simply smile
lyfe is funny
tha art that you want, won't always be on display
but dayum wen you see her,
it sho as hell makez ur day
smile on ma face
head in the sky
smile and stare
and she passes by
SHYT SHE SPECIAL
DATZ DAT WORK OF ART
~NOBODY~
Harder once ur talkin to her
Hardest wen ur gettin to kno her
Resisting temptation
Temptation not to touch....
That magnificent Work of Art
God's Gift to my eyes
But wats are eyes
Eyes are merely tools of deceit
Tha True MasterPiece is located within
So deep down it takes months to fully figure out
wat you have in front of you
But how many of the onlookers want to discover ur hidden wonders
Merely interested in ur other "treasures"
They plunder the landscape of your body
But no....thats not wat im here for
Thatz not wat i came to do
The time will cum
So with time....so will you
But wats the rush
If its worth it, of course i'll wait
in the mean time
there's much more i'd like to measure on my plate
you've got style
you've got class
nd a body thatz worth-while
you say i've got wat u need
i say nothing...just simply smile
lyfe is funny
tha art that you want, won't always be on display
but dayum wen you see her,
it sho as hell makez ur day
smile on ma face
head in the sky
smile and stare
and she passes by
SHYT SHE SPECIAL
DATZ DAT WORK OF ART
~NOBODY~
Dreamz Shattered (September 21, 2008 at 5:16am)
I once had a dream.....
A room, filled with tha stars of tha universe.
A boy, filled tha dreams of a million lives
A world, filled with tha power to bring down dreamz
A reality, filled with people that aren't as they seem
Tha boy growing up in tha cold world alone
The world dying due to tha harsh reality hidden from the people.
SO wat happenz wen tha patchwork quilt of life
Getz so carefully sewn
with tha truth scattered across its pattern
Thus keeping tha world in check,
Tha boy, a dreamer,
And reality, hidden...
But one day....
tha seamstress takes TruTH
and places it equally across tha quilt of life
SHYT FLIPZ...(LOL)
Its seems that reality crashes down on tha world
causing tha world to strap tha boi down
he's trapped in tha room of stars...
so calm..so serene
then appears a million dreams
Dreams everywhere,
Dreams of accomplishments
Dreams of life
Dreams of leaving tha struggle
Dreams of never having to gripe
Dreams of moving up
Dreams of moving on
BUT
This is Reality...right????
One by one...
Tha boy once filled with joy
Watches that every dream he saw shatter
One by one, like a child breaking a toy
It Broke...
Almost a million gone
Dreams that belong
Belong in our hearts
Belong in our thoughts
There was one dream left
Nd b4 it shatterd
Tha boi sprung free from tha world,
Free from reality
Jumped as far & high as he could
For as far he could see
Tha last dream was his
Nd couldnt let it go
So he snatched it
Nd placed it in his heart
Nd refused to let it go
Reality snapped back
Place him in tha trap that
he wanted to leave so bad
But tha World told him that was his place
That was his position in tha race
tha race of life
But tha Boy had a dream in his heart
So he now had a choice
Reality could no longer hold him down
Tha World had to bow down
Cuz he refused to back down
And that Boy
Is tha One named ~HEARTLESS~,
tha ~NOBODY~ that stands b4 you now
A room, filled with tha stars of tha universe.
A boy, filled tha dreams of a million lives
A world, filled with tha power to bring down dreamz
A reality, filled with people that aren't as they seem
Tha boy growing up in tha cold world alone
The world dying due to tha harsh reality hidden from the people.
SO wat happenz wen tha patchwork quilt of life
Getz so carefully sewn
with tha truth scattered across its pattern
Thus keeping tha world in check,
Tha boy, a dreamer,
And reality, hidden...
But one day....
tha seamstress takes TruTH
and places it equally across tha quilt of life
SHYT FLIPZ...(LOL)
Its seems that reality crashes down on tha world
causing tha world to strap tha boi down
he's trapped in tha room of stars...
so calm..so serene
then appears a million dreams
Dreams everywhere,
Dreams of accomplishments
Dreams of life
Dreams of leaving tha struggle
Dreams of never having to gripe
Dreams of moving up
Dreams of moving on
BUT
This is Reality...right????
One by one...
Tha boy once filled with joy
Watches that every dream he saw shatter
One by one, like a child breaking a toy
It Broke...
Almost a million gone
Dreams that belong
Belong in our hearts
Belong in our thoughts
There was one dream left
Nd b4 it shatterd
Tha boi sprung free from tha world,
Free from reality
Jumped as far & high as he could
For as far he could see
Tha last dream was his
Nd couldnt let it go
So he snatched it
Nd placed it in his heart
Nd refused to let it go
Reality snapped back
Place him in tha trap that
he wanted to leave so bad
But tha World told him that was his place
That was his position in tha race
tha race of life
But tha Boy had a dream in his heart
So he now had a choice
Reality could no longer hold him down
Tha World had to bow down
Cuz he refused to back down
And that Boy
Is tha One named ~HEARTLESS~,
tha ~NOBODY~ that stands b4 you now
Father (September 15, 2008 at 2:33am)
(Lupe Fiasco - He Say She Say was in ma head during this entire piece so its...well...yea)
FATHER
So...da question is where to begin
Such a sensitive subject for many in this world
We all have one but yet
Alot of people kno one,
Alot kno but sill refuse to KNO em
Some come around but once in awhile
Some will neva return to tha place you call home
Some are the missing piece to your smile
Some are the tear in your eye.
My FATHER
We bare tha same name
But both love the same thangs
We play tha same game
But I see tha game of life different
One of the smartest individuals
That I will ever come to know
But the route he chose
Is not the one i would liked him to go
Wat once was a happy home
remained happy wen you left
But tha key is, and always will be, "You Left"
Life flipped from dat point on
Three kids and a mom
Down at VA beach
father to the south, once in awhile i would see.
Once a great being, greatness never left
But it seemed dat $$$ and evil goes hand in hand
Directly proportional in dis land
Wen one got up, it brought tha other along for tha ride
So wen business got up, all i saw was $$ in ur eye
But i still envied your expertise in all tha world
From business to football and even girls
Sadly tha older i got, tha shorter communication became
I played ma game, You played your game
Living in tha same room
And things still felt distant
Once inside, things were bout quiet as a mouse
I felt safe outside the confines of the house
So that is where i stayed
For as long as i could until it was time for me 2 lay
sleep until tha morning sun came
only to leave again
knowing tha rules of the house was simple
but tha way things went werent so simple
Things will neva change
I am your son
You are my father
All the respect goes to you
even though at times i fail to understand and sometimes recognize you
HAF SR to HAF JR
your legacy i shall carry
FATHER
So...da question is where to begin
Such a sensitive subject for many in this world
We all have one but yet
Alot of people kno one,
Alot kno but sill refuse to KNO em
Some come around but once in awhile
Some will neva return to tha place you call home
Some are the missing piece to your smile
Some are the tear in your eye.
My FATHER
We bare tha same name
But both love the same thangs
We play tha same game
But I see tha game of life different
One of the smartest individuals
That I will ever come to know
But the route he chose
Is not the one i would liked him to go
Wat once was a happy home
remained happy wen you left
But tha key is, and always will be, "You Left"
Life flipped from dat point on
Three kids and a mom
Down at VA beach
father to the south, once in awhile i would see.
Once a great being, greatness never left
But it seemed dat $$$ and evil goes hand in hand
Directly proportional in dis land
Wen one got up, it brought tha other along for tha ride
So wen business got up, all i saw was $$ in ur eye
But i still envied your expertise in all tha world
From business to football and even girls
Sadly tha older i got, tha shorter communication became
I played ma game, You played your game
Living in tha same room
And things still felt distant
Once inside, things were bout quiet as a mouse
I felt safe outside the confines of the house
So that is where i stayed
For as long as i could until it was time for me 2 lay
sleep until tha morning sun came
only to leave again
knowing tha rules of the house was simple
but tha way things went werent so simple
Things will neva change
I am your son
You are my father
All the respect goes to you
even though at times i fail to understand and sometimes recognize you
HAF SR to HAF JR
your legacy i shall carry
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
What I've Learned This Week
....just for kicks....
...here's a quick rundown...
...of what I happened to pick up on...
____________________________________________________
Here we go.....WELL.....
my mental lock has been opened up
and I feel like my writing is back
I like that I'm able to express myself
without opening my mouth to say a word
I'm afraid of the looming changes that are coming
The future is creepy...going on about the future on your own
waaaaaaaay more creepy
Some people will never acknowledge their own wrongs
But will be quick to point yours out
& when theirs are brought to the table
it holds no comparison to how its handled in reverse
*shrugs*....duly noted
I'm just tryna stay above water.
I cried this week...publicly.....
It wasn't liberating...I didn't feel better
It hurt.....real bad....it still hurts
Cried last night....might cry tonight...
Talking to people helps
Just dont know how to do it consistently
So used to being on my own for my own problems
Just used to being the ears for others....
I'll learn one day
Let the countdown begin tho....
...here's a quick rundown...
...of what I happened to pick up on...
____________________________________________________
Here we go.....WELL.....
my mental lock has been opened up
and I feel like my writing is back
I like that I'm able to express myself
without opening my mouth to say a word
I'm afraid of the looming changes that are coming
The future is creepy...going on about the future on your own
waaaaaaaay more creepy
Some people will never acknowledge their own wrongs
But will be quick to point yours out
& when theirs are brought to the table
it holds no comparison to how its handled in reverse
*shrugs*....duly noted
I'm just tryna stay above water.
I cried this week...publicly.....
It wasn't liberating...I didn't feel better
It hurt.....real bad....it still hurts
Cried last night....might cry tonight...
Talking to people helps
Just dont know how to do it consistently
So used to being on my own for my own problems
Just used to being the ears for others....
I'll learn one day
Let the countdown begin tho....
Monday, September 8, 2014
......Vent...Purge....Whatever
ok.....
This year is just for me
Just to get some things out cuz see
I dont know what its like to be me
right now...I dont feel whole
I paint on my happy face
When I awake
Becuase I dont know how to deal
I dont know how to acknowledge & assess whats real
So I decided to just use this as my canvas
I dont know how much is gonna spew
Or how organized it'll be.
But I'm just gonna type until I cant.
Dont expect any continuity, rhyme or reason
If you happen to stumble upon this.
*Deep breath*
Who Am I?
When did I become so weak?
Why do I worry so much?
Why wasn't I there for you?
You took a knife & literally carved out my future.
Told me I would never have to deceive anymore
Would never have to thieve anymore
Would never have to grieve anymore
The next day I was in the back of the 12 mobile
...a few months later I landed in the 704
....and I made a change...while knowing cuz of you
I'd forever remain humble, remain changed, remain heartless.
words will never be able to explain my hurt
or my gratitude.....I've had such a change in attitude
and i owe it all to you.....and now you're gone....
What the hell do I do now...
I've tried all my usual coping methods
And all its doing is exposing their massive ineffectiveness
Just feel like.....ehh fuck it.....
Why aren't I good enough for the truth?
The malice & poison you throw at me
Has to burn somewhere In there somewhere
because of the truth that lies out there where the Trojans play
but of course theres no way I'd ever know about it
History repeats itself I guess
& we appear to be two plates
following the tectonic flow of landmasses.
Is running away my best option?
I don't wanna go anywhere
But i feel....stagnant, complacent & useless.
and not to anyone...I mean for myself....
Cuz I put myself in this position
And now I have to pull myself out of myself....
Why...why why why
Sometimes I dont give a fuck
Other days I care too much
and sometimes i'd rather just launch all of my memories
into outer speace....
Miserable right now man....seems that football is my only pick-me-up
This year is just for me
Just to get some things out cuz see
I dont know what its like to be me
right now...I dont feel whole
I paint on my happy face
When I awake
Becuase I dont know how to deal
I dont know how to acknowledge & assess whats real
So I decided to just use this as my canvas
I dont know how much is gonna spew
Or how organized it'll be.
But I'm just gonna type until I cant.
Dont expect any continuity, rhyme or reason
If you happen to stumble upon this.
*Deep breath*
Who Am I?
When did I become so weak?
Why do I worry so much?
Why wasn't I there for you?
You took a knife & literally carved out my future.
Told me I would never have to deceive anymore
Would never have to thieve anymore
Would never have to grieve anymore
The next day I was in the back of the 12 mobile
...a few months later I landed in the 704
....and I made a change...while knowing cuz of you
I'd forever remain humble, remain changed, remain heartless.
words will never be able to explain my hurt
or my gratitude.....I've had such a change in attitude
and i owe it all to you.....and now you're gone....
What the hell do I do now...
I've tried all my usual coping methods
And all its doing is exposing their massive ineffectiveness
Just feel like.....ehh fuck it.....
Why aren't I good enough for the truth?
The malice & poison you throw at me
Has to burn somewhere In there somewhere
because of the truth that lies out there where the Trojans play
but of course theres no way I'd ever know about it
History repeats itself I guess
& we appear to be two plates
following the tectonic flow of landmasses.
Is running away my best option?
I don't wanna go anywhere
But i feel....stagnant, complacent & useless.
and not to anyone...I mean for myself....
Cuz I put myself in this position
And now I have to pull myself out of myself....
Why...why why why
Sometimes I dont give a fuck
Other days I care too much
and sometimes i'd rather just launch all of my memories
into outer speace....
Miserable right now man....seems that football is my only pick-me-up
Thursday, September 4, 2014
.....so...quick question
....at what point in time did the concept of "opinion" disappear off the face of the earth? How is it that if someone doesn't like a person, place, idea, or concept like you do, it is then ok, to attack this person's credibility and/or lifestyle or basically their opinion? Strange world we live in. People now have platforms where their 2 cents can be heard and felt at any time. But if someone were to DIRECTLY disagree with said 2 cents, you'll go out your way to belittle said person.
How does this work? When did this happen? People are so weak in their own mind where they can't accept the fact that someone sees a certain concept differently from you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with hearing another person out and still holding on to your own opinion. I mean....that is the basis of opinion right? Everyone can have their own that can be molded or shaped by what the eyes & ears take in & other influences. People are forever evolving mentally, both in a positive & negative manner. But it is very important to see that in order to make it far in this life, you have to not be so thin skinned. Everyone is not gonna like you, your mind, your ideas.......
O THE FUCK WELL...
How does this work? When did this happen? People are so weak in their own mind where they can't accept the fact that someone sees a certain concept differently from you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with hearing another person out and still holding on to your own opinion. I mean....that is the basis of opinion right? Everyone can have their own that can be molded or shaped by what the eyes & ears take in & other influences. People are forever evolving mentally, both in a positive & negative manner. But it is very important to see that in order to make it far in this life, you have to not be so thin skinned. Everyone is not gonna like you, your mind, your ideas.......
O THE FUCK WELL...
Smiles
"Today is a day.....so its always a good day to smile....."
Smiles are a signal
Smiles are a deterrent
Smiles are indicators of great things
...past & current.
From the youngest to the oldest
A smile is universal
A smile is infectious
A smile shows the world
your day is currently headin in the right direction
A smile is golden
A smile is divine
So why dammit
....can't I seem to find mine.....
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Maybe........
Do I seem perturbed?
Maybe I am
Maybe I am not.
Maybe I'm just releasing alot of things I had on the inside
Maybe I'm just taking in more than I can hide.
Maybe I'm destined for greatness.
Maybe I'm heading for failure.
Maybe I'm on a cosmic ride called life and I dont know where its taking me.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe I'm insane.
Maybe I'm just here to change the game.
Maybe the game is broken...
Maybe life is supposed to be easy
Maybe I lied
...(ok I lied)...
Maybe you lied too?
Maybe thats what people that care do?
Maybe thats NOT what people that care do? (LOL)
Maybe you dont care?
Maybe I dont?
Maybe I should eat something?
....maybe I won't....
Maybe I want some water
Maybe I want some liquor
Maybe I should leave her alone
Maybe I Should kiss her
Maybe I'll do something productive today
Maybe I'll be lazy
All these questions & I never once questioned...
Maybe my black ass is crazy....
Maybe the laugh's on me
& Life was telling me a joke...
or thats how the song goes lol......
#HeartLess
Maybe I am
Maybe I am not.
Maybe I'm just releasing alot of things I had on the inside
Maybe I'm just taking in more than I can hide.
Maybe I'm destined for greatness.
Maybe I'm heading for failure.
Maybe I'm on a cosmic ride called life and I dont know where its taking me.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe I'm insane.
Maybe I'm just here to change the game.
Maybe the game is broken...
Maybe life is supposed to be easy
Maybe I lied
...(ok I lied)...
Maybe you lied too?
Maybe thats what people that care do?
Maybe thats NOT what people that care do? (LOL)
Maybe you dont care?
Maybe I dont?
Maybe I should eat something?
....maybe I won't....
Maybe I want some water
Maybe I want some liquor
Maybe I should leave her alone
Maybe I Should kiss her
Maybe I'll do something productive today
Maybe I'll be lazy
All these questions & I never once questioned...
Maybe my black ass is crazy....
Maybe the laugh's on me
& Life was telling me a joke...
or thats how the song goes lol......
#HeartLess
Your Happy
....In a world where the selfish rule
with an iron fist
And passion is most found in dreams
Someone must've made a hell of a wish
That someone like me would come
And try to fill his world with some happy.
Even if temporary
I'd let you borrow parts of my soul
if it meant your world could feel whole
for just a few more minutes
And never questioned it
Cuz who couldn't use a pick-me-up
Even though at nights it tired me out
I wanted to curse, scream & shout
Proclaim my frustration at life's situations I found myself in
But I would hold it in, cuz I'm strong enough
I'd focus on what made me happy
And that's making others happy
But that's not needed now
All thats needed sometimes is a lil jump start
And you too can produce your own Happy
Wake it Up
I stepped up
Not knowing what to say
But somehow I knew
That you were just gonna be mine after today
Quit lookin down
Fixed my lips to speak
But quickly closed them
Couldn't get out a peep
Something about you was mesmerizing
Blinding in nature
I was fixated on the aura that surround you
....& yet my dumbass still couldn't say hey yet
"Hey...my is Funny...
Yes...that's my name...
you can call me that if you want"
I could see in your eyes.....its all game
You'd eye roll if you could
& I'd laugh it off, give a lil cough
About face & walk away
Mission for the day complete
But hey...it is what it is....
At least we spoke
Just another thought to us being one......
& Then I woke up.......
Not knowing what to say
But somehow I knew
That you were just gonna be mine after today
Quit lookin down
Fixed my lips to speak
But quickly closed them
Couldn't get out a peep
Something about you was mesmerizing
Blinding in nature
I was fixated on the aura that surround you
....& yet my dumbass still couldn't say hey yet
"Hey...my is Funny...
Yes...that's my name...
you can call me that if you want"
I could see in your eyes.....its all game
You'd eye roll if you could
& I'd laugh it off, give a lil cough
About face & walk away
Mission for the day complete
But hey...it is what it is....
At least we spoke
Just another thought to us being one......
& Then I woke up.......
Mi Purga Uno
At times I don't I know whats best for me
Is it person, place or thing
That I'm out here trying to seek
Everyday is a confusing mundane repeat
Of something different...
yet its all the same
I try hard to maintain
But hey...even the strongest have a weakness
Mine....me? weakness....?
What's my weakness?
My heart....has to be the only answer
...well the only one I could muster
The beating drum that keeps me alive
Appears to be the cancer....slowly eating at me
I guess heart would be the real life representation
of feeling....so let me not say that much.
But I will say this....
I'm tired of feeling...and then the rationalizing...
And the reminding of whats real & fake that comes with it all
I'd rather say fuck it all
Cuz its easier that way
But of course thats not how this course works
Not tomorrow, not yesterday & not today
My life role is to be the supporter
The shoulder, the crutch, the dick
Whatever makes you feel better
Whatever makes you not feel as sick
When life begins to beat your face in
Call me & I'll stand in your place
Rest while life gets some licks in.
Yes I know I'm not making any sense
But this is just the beginning
To getting my rhythm back
And starting my mental cleanse
Is it person, place or thing
That I'm out here trying to seek
Everyday is a confusing mundane repeat
Of something different...
yet its all the same
I try hard to maintain
But hey...even the strongest have a weakness
Mine....me? weakness....?
What's my weakness?
My heart....has to be the only answer
...well the only one I could muster
The beating drum that keeps me alive
Appears to be the cancer....slowly eating at me
I guess heart would be the real life representation
of feeling....so let me not say that much.
But I will say this....
I'm tired of feeling...and then the rationalizing...
And the reminding of whats real & fake that comes with it all
I'd rather say fuck it all
Cuz its easier that way
But of course thats not how this course works
Not tomorrow, not yesterday & not today
My life role is to be the supporter
The shoulder, the crutch, the dick
Whatever makes you feel better
Whatever makes you not feel as sick
When life begins to beat your face in
Call me & I'll stand in your place
Rest while life gets some licks in.
Yes I know I'm not making any sense
But this is just the beginning
To getting my rhythm back
And starting my mental cleanse
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