Ghost In The Shell (July 5, 2009 at 1:34pm)

Ghost in the Shell

I've been longin for this time alone
Lately i've felt so out of my zone
Even in the comfort of my own home
Seemz like im here yet....
So far away
My mind'z gone astray
I seem normal to you
But even the poles inside my mind see the change
we work 25/8 to find the source
but of course
as you can tell....i've got nothin

Days of summer fly by
I guess its easy to see why i hate it
Cuz it seems i've lost myself in it
Havin to put on a show for customers & employers on the daily
Itz like a poison tryin 2 destroy me
Jeez i even have to put one a special act for ma family
Cuz they dont even kno the real me

So to me its like i spend half my day being a fake me
Then i spend the other half hiding the real me
Keepin these thingz in mind
itz clearly safe to say i've "Lost" the real me
Lost in the "realness" of the real, working world
Lost in the "respect" of the family world
Deep down in the dark corridors of my brain
I've banished my two sides to sleep
"Rest"...until I've received the chance to be free
"Sleep".....until I've gotten a chance to be me...
I'm on "autopilot" now.....just a walkin respectful, humble employee
The perfect son, who does as he's told
Just........a Ghost In The Shell.........

But...One day......I'll wake up.....nd I'm goin Hard wen i Do.....
Nap.............Time........*Yawn*.........

Slither (June 17, 2009 at 2:33am)

Slither

You're on me
But not for long
You gotta go
Though you've done nothing wrong
You've got your hold on me
Though the warm feelin has me feenin
Nd while I'm dreamin im still feenin,
about how this feelin came to be
nd it'll never be clear to me
but wen i look inside myself
itz plain to see
that i can't allow you to be in me

Nope...no more
So I begin the process
Yes there will be much stress
But im on the path of success
and havn u slowz me down
......nd i cant have that

I'm at a rock and a hard place
But instead of turnin around
I begin to snake my way between them
No callz, no texts
Nd as hard as it is....
I say no to your sex
Now dont get me wrong you're a marvelous woman
Nd i nor ma people understand ma decision
But ur ability to shoot me down
wit a markzman's precision
make me say no

I feel your hold on me losing its grip
I'm grindin and scratchin and fightin
just to keep ya name off ma lipz
Awkward moments wen we're together
You try harder to hold on
LIke the rock nd hard place just got tighter
But Of course you kno ima fighter
Scrpaes & bruises will come to ma mental
Cuz now im pushin through harder
First you were holdin on
Now your existence is barely there
Just a memory, nd that is how i'll keep it
For now...

See wat you have witnessed
Is a short description
Of how i picture
Getting you off my mind will be
Itz pretty damn plain to see
That losing you will be
LIke a snake....that sheds its skin
Leaves it behind so life wit new skin can begin

I Broke My Face...(Parte Dos) (June 2, 2009 at 4:59am)

I Broke My Face...(Parte Dos)

Until one night
I had finally fallen asleep
Nd I felt, like a million voices spoke to me
Supersonic ears, i was takin it all in
There was one message that stood out to me

A familiar voice
From a past i refused to remember
It was wen life was all but calm and tender
No loving care, no one there
But mom...
it was mom....
Not maternal, but she took care of me wen i was out
Younger than me, but she knew wat she was talkin about

Wat she told me
I will not share
But wen I awoke
Many tears...i did bare
For i was givin hope...
Hope for tomorrow
Hope to end my sorrow
It all had crashed down
Nd now...i had a chance to turn it around

To be there...wen someone called ma name
To be there...wen someone needed a hand
To be there...wen its time to see a new age..
To be there...to see ma brother walk across that stage
Cuz all in all....I just wanna be there....

Talkin wit ma friend that asked me that fateful question
I had wanted to mention
all that took place inside the dimension of my sub-conscious
But all i could tell her was all she needed to know
Nd that one day...it would be my time to go....
but it wasnt today....
...I'm gonna live......I just kno it

That'z all i said....

-.....She told me wat she had meant to say altogether was,
"What's Wrong with your face?
You Don't Smile anymore..."

- You won't see my real smile using my mouth...
- The mouth is a tool used to tell lies
- You lookin for my real smile
- I'd say look deep into my soul
- You can see that deep...yup..you can...
- Just look me in the eyes...

I Broke My Face (June 2, 2009 at 4:34am)

I Broke My Face

Dedicated to tha short lady headed to London &
to the lady who asked me the question

One day i received a hurtful question
One that made my body quiver with tension
I'm pretty sure you could only imagine
How it felt when my friend asked me....

"What's Wrong With Your Face?"
.
.
.
.
.....silence...........


I was taken aback
For I thought she was talkin smack
Smack that would lead to me droppin her on her back
But she quickly saw my dismay
Nd she showed me wat she meant
Nd it was on that day
That i realized..that I broke my face....

She told me wat she had meant to say altogether was,
"What's Wrong with your face?
You Don't Smile anymore..."

Wow.....
I wondered had my life really gotten that bad
Had the bad news finally taken over
Is this the part where i just roll over
....It seemed that way.....

Sleep became more irrelevant
My attitude...more hellbent
I began to ignore all that was heaven sent
Because i felt like it was all over

Time was against me
Hate poured thru me
Nd while good thingz were happenin to me
All I would ever see
Is just the seconds leaving me
Tick...
Tock...
Tick....
Tock....

And as i lost focus on watz important
I lost my smile
You may think you saw it
But that thing on ma face was a fake
I haven't seen my smile in a while

The happiness i once had seemed so far away
Bcuz on the inside, i could feel myself deteriorate
A child of the night
A demon of the day
It seemed that life had already sealed my fate
So it had seemed....until.........

Mind Control (June 2, 2009 at 5:26am)

Mind Control

I open my eyes
I open up my cranium
I begin tha day thinkin
About wat person i've painted on ma face
Could it be the happy nice guy,
Confused day wanderer
Mean, hate the world azz nigga
Or the sad, woe is me depressor

It doesn't matter to me who i am
Because at the beginning and end of the day
I control, who I am...
And believe it or not i can control who you are too
Bcuz using my mind & wordz as one,
I can make you feel high
I can make you feel hella low
If you let me in...
Where ma attitude goes...you'll follow
Because I have control of you
Because YOU allow me to....

The is no joke in my voice
What I say goes
Because everyone knows
In this day & age
individuality does not matter
That mess will get you shunned
You'll be a social leper
Definitely not wat you want to be
So i'll help you out....
Just listen to me
Do as I say
Everyday...nd i swear
You'll fit in with all the rest

You see...they all listen to me
Because to them...I am all they see
I am wats hot....
I am wats not....
I am the ins
I am the outs
And if you're not apart of it
You must be against it
And to be against me
Means you're against them
And to be against them
Means...you'll have no friends

Don't You Get it yet?
I am the ruler of your generation
The killer of all thingz bright & new
Cuz if it doesnt ride wit me
Then it doesnt come to be

*Sigh*
Wat are you SLow?
Let me spelled it out for ya....
I am the music
I am the clothes
I am the hustlas
I am the hoes
I am the news
I am the movies
I go hard
I got swag
I'm everything..
That you'll never have
Everything you see around you....
Unless you Join me...
Simply Becuase..
It is me....
I own you kidz....
I am..

SoCiEtY....

I am..

The Times....

Epic (May 19, 2009 at 5:06am)

Epic

Allow me to paint a picture:

Rain is falling sideways
Nightfall with a slight wind
Here on this grassy plain
An epic battle will begin

All the cards on the table
No looking back
For this time, itz personal
And for one of us...there will be no coming back

Too much power for us to exist at one time
Too much pride for one of us to bow down
So its time to see who takes the crown
Nd its time to see who will be laid down

The issue had been pressed long
The problem had been put off
Now the issue has turned into a monster
Nd this monster is on a mission
A mission to take over
A mission to destroy
A mission take my life in its hands
A toss me around like im some kind of toy
But mama aint raise no fool
Im no ones tool
I refuse to be the fuel to ignite the flames of a wrong destiny..
destiny....tccchhh
I say i make my own
Letting someone else decide my fate...
just somethiing my black azz just doesnt condone

See now the tears are rolling
Cuz i kno wats at stake
Requiem for a dream controls my pace
I said no goodbyes because i will return from this place
Im focused man...
Victory is in ma vision
The path from here to there is all im missin

I approach the grassy plains where its all goin down
In the distance i see the enemy....yup....its goin down
no longer a slow pace
its now or never
a W is all im after if things ever hope to get better
thoughts, memories, and dreams of loved ones come around
and with that...a final tear hits the ground
because they fuel my fire
to return to them safe...is my only desire

Face to Face with the enemy
Now or never...time to win
Across the grassy plain....
Plain which resides in my mind
Hang on tight...cuz this will be on hell of a ride...
Cuz.....

The battle for my mind....my life....my soul....is about to begin

I got goals....nshyt

SO...its something about seeing the things you are actually afraid to accomplish inch closer and closer. Like yeah I know its my blog  and all but I'm still not quite confident enough in my dreams. Needless to say I'm still goin for em. I guess when I start putting things out there, that'll be like my........."Here's what I wanna do with my spare time" announcement lol. I'm lame yes I know. But hell I'm deep down, supa lowkey excited. The ideas, the creativity, the dreams. I'm bursting with emotion and anticipation man. Stay Tuned.


Captain HeartLess